Broken Foundations
by Perdaha-Obssesed
Summary: Hermione lives with no hope. Can something that nearly kills her bring her back to life. Love, life and pain entwine and old wounds start to heal while new wounds open. Can healers fix broken hearts and find lost souls. All is lost, this girl lives with broken foundations. PLEEEEEASE READ!
1. Chapter 1

_Hermiones POV_

I woke up with a start the dream slowly fading, I hated that stupid witch soo much. She turned and saw the scar on her arm. "Mudblood" I immediately started crying. Stupid fate It was always against me. "This is the last day" I whispered as memories threatened to make me fall.

_******Memories***************** _

_Hermiones POV_

_"Hermione I need to say something" said Ron _

_"Go ahead" I said. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what I was about to hear but I just pursed my lips and listened. _

_"I have booked a flight to the U.S.A" said Ron in a small voice "I leave in two days." My face fell, I felt like my insides had decided to drop to Australia and There was an army of knots in my throat. When I found my voice again I screamed._

_" What? Ronald, how dare you do this to me how dare you do this to us? Is this some sort of break up? Is this a test? Because I tell you, I will not be able to endure any more. I loose my parents, I loose friends, teachers and now you want me to loose you as well? Well you know what you can go o your precious U.S.A. For all I care, you can even to fricking Mars if you want. But when you come back I will NOT be waiting. I've been hurt too much. I'm not going to take one more thing." Ron looked hurt, as if I had just punched him. _

_"I'm sorry Hermione, I know it must hurt, but I need to leave. This place... It's just doing the opposite from helping me. I'm sorry" _

_"You've already said that" I replied coldly. I was blinking back tears as I screamed "Arghhh, Just get out of my flat. Go. Out!" _

_I had a knife in my hand, I trembled. Decision set on my face, I let out a small breath before setting the knife on my wrist. I pushed away all the smart thoughts that told me I was about to ruin my life. I took in a sharp breath and pressed the sharp knife. I applied the smallest pressure at first, then added a bit more. I didn't stop until I saw the droplets of blood dripping from my arm onto the floor. I shuddered and dropped the knife. A slight sting of pain went up my arm, emanating from the three centimeter cut along the side of my left wrist. I yelped suddenly as realization hit me square in the face. I was such and idiot. But at least this took my thoughts away from the pain I was suffering in my life. _

_I was getting ready to go out with Ginny, Harry, Luna and Neville. It was slightly hot, but I couldn't show the scars that went up my left forearm. Just like trying to cover a dark mark I thought bitterly. I put on a long sleeve, tight t-shirt and then I left_

_We were all sitting at the table when Ginny suddenly gasped. I looked at her and frowned. She was looking at me with incredulous eyes. _

_She said"Hermione, can you come with me for a second?" My mind started to run wild. Had she seen my arm? Had I said something? I was in for it. We arrived at the toilets and Ginny spun and faced me. "Hermione I want to ask you something..." _

_"Hmm" I replied, I tried looking indifferent. _

_"What have you done to your wrist? I saw a faintish scar on it and I don't think I like what I imagine it to be." _

_"What?" I tried to sound perplexed, "Oh, yeah. I..." think of something I though. Anything "Yeah, I was cooking the other day and I didn't notice that the knife was sticking out and I brushed my wrist against the tip of the knife and I got cut, I didn't think much of it." _

_"Oh, okay... Hermione-" she didn't buy the idea but in that moment I thought of an amazing idea... sort of amazing anyway. _

_"Ginny give me a second I need to pee." I went inside a cubicle and I took my wand out I lifted my sleeve and muttered under my breath a concealment spell, all the scars on my arm faded, all but a very faint line on the top of my wrist. I flushed the toiled and went out. I purposely rolled up my sleeve to show that I had nothing to hide when I went to wash my hands and while I said to Ginny. _

_"Ginny. Sorry, I interrupted you before. What were you going to say?" Ginny stared at my arm "Nothing don't worry lets get back to our lunch." _

_******** End of memories*****_

The tears started falling again since that day I had been a shell, I felt like my heart had been broken too many times, all the foundations I had laid were destroyed. That's why I had started to cut my hand. Only my hand... Until that day. I knew it. I was alone. Ron wasn't going to come back. Then the small cuts went around and up my left arm. Scars to remind me of all the pain. Ever since the day Ginny had seen one I was putting concealment charms on them so you couldn't see them. I was trying to act like the old me. I could at least fool everyone... Everyone but myself.

I came out of my thoughts and decided I needed to feel something, even if it was the sting of a knife. I went into the kitchen and brought out the usual knife and I set to work.

As I was finishing the last little gash I looked up at the clock. Crap. It was 9:43, Ginny would get here in ten minutes. Rushing the end I didn't realise and made it bigger than it should be. Blood started to trickle down my arm onto the floor, but I didn't notice. I wanted the pain to go. The pain of living with a broken heart. I went to my medicine cabinet and took out all the painkillers I could find, muggle and magical. I took out a bottle of firewhisky and drowned 3 packets of tablets with it.

I was unable to stand on my legs so I sat down, next to the forgotten knife. I opened the fourth packet but was suddenly loosing consciousness, I fell on the floor, firewhisky spilling all around me. Pills scattered on the floor and a pool of blood from my cut arm. My vision started to blur and darken. The last thing I remember is an apparition pop and a vivid scream. Then my eyes closed and I drowned in the darkness.

_-Ginny POV-_

I apparated inside Hermione's flat knowing fully well, that my organized friend would be ready and waiting for me for us to have our "Girl day" As I apparated into her kitchen I wasn't expecting what I saw. I looked down and saw Hermione's small figure unconscious, on the floor.

Blood, pills and firewhisky spilled everywhere. I nearly fainted but instead I screamed. The loudest, most ear piercing, high pitched scream I could muster. I apparated back and got Harry, grabbed his arm and apparated back to Hermione's flat. Harry was about to protest when he looked down and saw Hermione. His eyes went wide and he went onto his knees and picked Hermione up. He turned and said.

"Meet me at St Mungos." He turned and apparated out. I followed suit. Panic boiling in my veins. What had happened to Hermione?

_-Harrys POV-_

"We need help!" I said as I entered the doors of St Mungos, "It's urgent!".

"What do you need sir," said a voice from behind me. Shocked I turned around to meet Draco Malfoy's intense gaze.

"Is something wrong, what happened to her?" He asked pointing to Hermione.

"She overdosed, cut her wrists, lost too much blood, drank firewhisky, is drunk and probably has a concussion." I muttered.

"What? Granger. Overdose? Man hell must have frozen over." Draco whispered in shock.

"Look we really need help. Can you help?" Draco looked perplexed for a moment then he gathered himself and said. "Of course, come right this way. We'll put her on a bed and we can start oxygen transfusion, and blood transfer. You can explain better when we get her fixed."

I sighted, relieved and suddenly remembered Ginny next to me. I turned to look at her. I loved these two. Both the one in my arms and the one next to me. If Hermione died it would be like loosing Fred again, but worse. I looked at Ginny, I would die if anything happened to her. She looked unnaturally pale and in a lot of shock.

"I didn't even realise she was cutting her wrists. What sort of friend am I?" she silently said. I turned my face back to Draco and asked

"Do you have something for shock as well?"

"Of course," Draco replied "follow me." He had finished adjusting all the tubes and cables to Hermione and was now continuing on to levitating the bed out of the room. We hadn't realized but we were still in the lobby. Turning I noticed a camera click and several flashes of light and before we could escape, the reporters had gotten several pictures of Hermione. A bloody, unconscious mess on a St Mungos bed. Great I thought Now when she recovers she'll have to put up with the press fussing all over about her. Rita Skitter is probably already making up some overly melodramatic story for this. I kept walking, Pushing Ginny in front on me and following Malfoy. We got to a room and closed the door. After Malfoy had finished fixing all he could about Hermione, he turned and looked over at me and Ginny.

_-Draco's POV-_

Harry sat shocked and Ginny was silently sobbing against his shoulder. 'She is shaking to much' I thought, I conjured up a calming potion and a glass and handed it over to Ginny.

"Here" I said. "Drink this, it will help." Harry turned to me and said

"Why Malfoy? Why are you helping us?" I looked straight into Harry's eyes and said

"I'm a healer. It's my job to take care of those in need" Harry's eyebrows rose a little.

"And since when exactly have you been keen to help Hermione? Or me for that matter?" I sighed I was used to this

"People change Potter, that includes Malfoy's. Now would you please be so kind as to explain to me what happened?" I replied, clip board in hand.

"Yeah, sorry." Harry said as he hugged his sobbing girlfriend closer, causing me to smirk.

"I'll start from the beginning. Right after the war, as the press clearly made obvious in the past. Hermione hadn't been quite herself. She would zone out quite often, lost in her own thought. We put this as Post traumatic stress and gave her a bit of time. After a few months though, Ron left as you might know, he went to the US. Hermione started to close herself more and more from us. A few days ago, about 4 or 5, she received an owl from Ron that said that he was sorry but he wouldn't be coming back anytime soon for he had found a girl and they had started to go out, he kept saying that he was sorry but he couldn't come back. He said this place just brought back to many memories. That was the last straw for her. We thought that it was much less than it seems but apparently she was already depressed so this just pushed her over the edge. As it seems today was just impossible for her to cope with."

Harry finished and looked up from the spot on the floor he had been staring at while he was talking. A single glistening tear ran down his face. Quickly brushing it off he stared back at me finishing writing down things on the clip board. I looked up and asked

"Is that all?" Harry nodded, Ginny had now regained some of her real self. It was her who spoke up.

"That is all we know." I nodded and then said

" Please, go back home and rest I'll take care of her from here, I'll owl you if anything goes wrong and I'll update you tomorrow on her condition." Ginny nodded,

"I never though I'd say this, but thanks Malfoy" she said with a small teary smile. I nodded again and said

"Not a problem." After they left I stared back at Hermione and muttered "How could you do this? You are meant to be smart." He sighed and left. Just then Hermione's eyes fluttered open.


	2. broken foundations chapter 2

_Draco's POV_

I came out of the room muttering under my breath. My worry just increased after leaving the room. Hermione was meant to be smart, she was the brightest witch of our age, for God's sake she was Hermione Granger. Something bad must have really happened for her to get to this state, Hermione was meant to be the strong, brave Griffindor Princess.

But now that I remembered after the war, she really hadn't been herself. She had just been an actress filling in a role. Her soul wasn't with her body and her heart was quite shattered, she had lost so many people... I remembered her bloody, tear-stained face when we were cleaning up Hogwarts...

I hadn't gone home after the war finished, I was going to help. I shuddered at the cascade of memories that washed over me with a single word.

Pain.

I was going to spend my life fixing pain. I made myself a promise while I was cleaning up Hogwarts. I was never going to hurt anyone else, not if possible. But as I thought about all the people I had seen suffer at my hands, a certain bushy-haired witch came to my mind. Hermione. I hoped I never witnessed her scrams of agony again. I hoped I never had to watch her writhe in pain. Most of all I wished to never see those broken eyes again.

But a feeling of dread had come over me as soon as the couple had come in with Hermione's limp body. I had a feeling that when I was greeted by those chocolate brown eyes, it would be like looking inside an abandoned house. Like she was a shell of herself. I went into my office, thoughts still swirling through my head.

I sat myself down in my chair and stared into the fire. Watching at the flames lick the logs, sunshine pouring in through the open blinds, I fell asleep, the worry and pain coming with me.

Ginny's PoV

All the way home I was in shock. Harry lead me inside the house and sat my crying figure on the couch. I had looked as if I recovered slightly but I actually couldn't get through my head the events of the morning. I replayed in my head the days events to try to find a reasonable explanation as to why I found Hermione in the state that I did. I started from the beginning, still in the arms of Harry, tears streaming down my face.

I had woken up, happy that I was going to spend a day with Hermione. We had needed one of our girl days since Ron had left. I couldn't fathom why he left, but I was beginning to accept the fact. I got up, showered got dressed and went down to breakfast.

I found Harry in the kitchen and gave him a slight peck on the lips. I had my breakfast and cleaned up. It was 16 minutes to nine so I had a quarter of an hour but I knew that Hermione would be ready. She always prepared for things way too early. I went outside and walked over the apparition wards. I apparated as soon as I had crossed them.

When I came back from Hermione's I had apparated directly home. My voice trembled and I was still screaming. I grabbed onto Harry and apparated back to Hermione's. I was still trembling when we entered the hospital and even when Malfoy had taken us to a room to get Hermione fixed. My mind was running wild and I couldn't place my thoughts.

'When had this started? How long had it been going on for? Why had she done this to herself?' I was so angry at myself for to noticing I thought I was going to blow but in that second Malfoy gave me a calming draught and I calmed down slightly.

The trembling had stopped but the internal berating continued. When Harry had begun to tell Malfoy what we knew I listened intently trying to see if I could find any clues at all of why or how this happened. When he finished my mind was reeling. I tried to put two and two together and I connected all the dots from the past. In the end I gave up. I pushed away all my thoughts and put on a brave face and answered to Malfoy's question myself. I was a Griffindor after all and we were brave...

I had put on a brave face until we apparated out of St Mungos. It was then that I gave into the shock and all the pain of knowing one of the reasons that my best friend had ended up in Hospital was me. I should have done something. I should have had the courage to say what I thought. I should have been more like her. Hermione was perfect and this problem that she had now was all my fault.

It was also Ron's fault. Ron. That git of my brother was going to pay. I would send him a howler if I had to. I hand't noticed until now but Harry was shaking me. I looked up into his mesmerizing green eyes and saw love and concern. But why concern? It was then I heard what he was saying.

"Ginny! Ginny listen it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. It's no ones fault. Things like this happen..." it was at that moment that I realized that I had said it all out loud. I then snapped out of my thoughts and 'came back' to the present. I looked straight at Harry and sobbed,

" Oh, but Harry, it is my fault. I should have been there for her. I should have helped her through the hard moments of her life just as she helped me." I sobbed on to his shoulder as he whispered

"Ginny. Hermione is the most stubborn person I have ever met, actually the second most stubborn person. You take the first prize. If someone doesn't want or accept the help they are being offered there is no way to help them. I think Hermione didn't want to accept her problems, or didn't want to 'burden' us with them but even if you had tried harder at helping her, she would have still been in the same situation. Maybe even worse. Ginny, you are the most wonderful person to ever walk this earth, You have helped me and many others when we were stuck inside our own heads after the war. Ginny, you have always been the fire that lit up the darkest of my moments, ever since that day in the chamber of secrets. You have always taken on more than what is possible so as to make other peoples burden lighter. You have been my firm foundation when I thought I was drifting away. You are my rock. I can't live without Ginny, I was waiting until a more romantic moment to ask you this, but I can't make myself wait. I have faced Voldemort but I might never again get the courage to ask you this. Ginevra Molly Weasley, my light, my love, my foundations. Will you marry me?"

At that moment he took out a red velvet case from his pocket and out of it came the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. It was a golden band with a tear or flame shaped ruby in the middle, the ruby was surrounded by tiny minuscule diamonds and on either side of the ruby there were two small emeralds. I looked closely and noticed that carved on the inside of the ring there was a single word, foundation.

I suddenly jumped up, All problems to do with Hermione had disappeared from my head, I was struck at the love and passion that hid behind Harrys eyes as I said yes,

"Harry," I replied "there is nothing more that I want than to be with you for the rest of my life, for every single second I have. It shouldn't even be a question if I would marry you. I don't even have to think. You have been more than just my boyfriend, you have been my friend, my love, my reason for living, my anchor and my island, You have kept my feet on the ground while leaving my head in the clouds. Harry, I love you and I would be honored to marry you."

After our exchange of words, we were both teary eyed and the love and passion were tangible in the air. I turned in his arms to get a more clear view of the man that one day would be the dad of my children and smiled. I leaned in and kissed him at the same time as he was leaning in to kiss me. When our lip touched it was like the first time. It was an explosion of joy, passion, love, emotion but this time, it held a promise, a promise symbolized on my left hand on my fourth finger. But now, we were lost in the moment, lost in our kiss, in this blazing fire inside us. For now I just felt love.

_Hermione's POV_

As soon as I opened my eyes, tears started pouring down. My head was pounding. I had heard all of the conversation Harry and Malfoy were having in here. I was so stupid and now I had to be in the care of... Draco Malfoy. I had heard of his change, what's more, I had witnessed it. But I felt, not just judged but like my life just kept getting more messed up. I was Hermione Granger. For god's sake, I was mean to be smart and strong and brave. I was meant to be able to face the world, to face my problems.

At least that's what was expected from me. I had to live a double life. My public life, and the life in my head. Going through the motions of the day without feeling anything. I didn't want to be who I was. I was in shock. I couldn't process the fact that I had gotten myself drunk, de-blooded and overdosed.

'How had I become this person?' I had an answer in my head though, a dream, the dream to be precise. More like the nightmare. The one that kept waking me up night after night, everyday since the war and the one that had woken me this morning. The one where I felt Bellatrix carve into my skin that word... Mudblood. I woke up to my own repetitive scrams of pain, every single day.

As the tears kept streaming down my face I thought of the dream I had just had. It made no sense. In my dream I had been in a forest. There was a mountain behind me and the sun came up from in front, but the sun was a pale, pale white light, there was a lake in front of me and it was turning black. I was walking toward the black river, when I got to the shore I turned to look at the mountains. Something that had seemed so solid now looked like it could collapse at any moment. I was staring and I hadn't realized that I had fallen in the water, but I made no attempt to come out, inside this water I felt not the pain of the collapsible mountain. However I was drowning but there was the pale sun and it was moving. It came to a halt in front of my heart and I woke up with a phrase that resounded throughout the valley

-"No more broken foundations, no more broken hearts." -

While I was lost in my thoughts I hadn't realized but a machine had started to beep. It was beeping uncontrollably I tried to move to make it shut up, but I couldn't and this just brought more tears to my eyes.

This was so frustrating! I wanted to know what was going on. I went to stand up so I could unplug the cable that connected the annoying machine. I was siting up and everything was spinning. The machine beeped faster and louder. The sounds reverberated through my head. I pushed my nauseas away and tried to ignore my pounding head. I stood up. It took me two seconds to fall but that was enough to send the beeping machine crazy. I heard pounding footsteps and a door opening. As my eyelids where closing I heard a voice. It said:

"No, Hermione don't do this to yourself..." Then I returned to the place of peaceful darkness.


	3. chapter3- returning fire

**Returning fire. If opposed by wind, will the flame stop... or spread... **

**_Darcos POV _**

I was running, running away from HIM. I was in the darkest place on the planet. It was night and neither stars or moon where shining I couldn't see where I was going, but I was still running. Running away from the man that had made my life a living hell. From the reason that my life had turned out the way it was. I was running but I wasn't moving. I was still, stuck in place. My heart beat sent blood pulsating in my veins, my head was pounding. He came closer with every step taking long purposeful strides. I was unable to keep running and it was as if he delighted in seeing me fight, fight a loosing battle. He brought out a wand and at the same time a beeping noise began shaking the trees in the dark forest. The volume increased with every second that passed, making me more and more nervous. I knew it my death was approaching... I prepared for the flash of green and the final words that would take the breath out of me but then, the moon appeared shining brightly on the scene below, brilliant light pouring onto the appalling scene below. The light of the moon engulfed me and I woke up with a start, the beeping still resonating in my ears.

Now that I realized it, the beeping hand't stopped. It was coming out of one of the many machines in my office. I looked at the source of the annoying noise and with a start realized where it was coming from.

'Hermione.'

I ran, as fast as my feet would allow me. I needed to get there in time. The machine she had made beep was not just any machine. It was the one that made sure your heart was beating at a good pace. If it started beeping, it usually meant danger, grave danger to the sick person. Damn it. This woman was going to kill herself.

I got to her room and open the door to see Hermione sprawled on the floor,

"No, Hermione don't do this to yourself." I went to her, gently picked up her limp body and lay it on the bed. I called a nurse and told her to be ready to contact Potter if it was needed. For now I wanted to wait and see if Hermione would wake and react to the potions and medicines we were giving her.

Through the drip we induced her with a potion designed to wake an unconscious person. After about half an hour of tension, she started to move, slightly at first but as the seconds passed she started thrashing. She was shaking. Suddenly she screamed, she screamed THE scream. The scream he would have recognized wherever he was in whatever situation. Hermione started screaming shouting and yelling in her dreams

"No, Please, nooo, ahhhhh! No please, I haven't done anything ahhh! Noooo!"

At this point she was sobbing uncontrollably and I knew exactly what she was dreaming of. She was dreaming about Her. Bellatrix. The beeping machine started again, its pace increasing, more and more. I had to do something.

I ran to her side, shaking her to make her wake, she had to stop thrashing or her heart would go in over drive. She was going to have a freaking heart attack! But the more I shook her the more she screamed. My own heart was now speeding, thumping in my chest. I needed her to wake, I whispered in her ear

'Please Hermione, please you have to wake, please wake up for me."

Slowly her screams and thrashing became less intense until she was just shivering. Suddenly she woke up with a gasp and sat up. Tears streaming down her face, her right arm clutching her scar. Her head hung low and she sobbed silently. Gently I took her hand away from her scar. I held her hand a few minutes I gently laid her shaking body on the bed and dragged a chair next to it. I sat there, staring at Hermione sob and shake. I could do nothing. Her sobs receded and I decided that I would go, I stood up and straightened my robes, I was already starting to walk, when a trembling hand grabbed my arm.

"Please, don't call anyone, even if they told you to. I want to do this myself" I looked up and finally was brave enough to look into her once bright chocolate eyes, what I saw there scared me, I saw pain, I saw hurt, I saw betrayal and sadness, but most of all I didn't see Hermione, I saw a broken girl, a woman whose heart had been so shattered that putting the pieces back together hurt more than leaving it broken. I saw a reflection of what I once saw in my eyes. I tore my gaze from her eyes and looked at her now still hand. I looked back up at her face and nodded grimly.

"If it's what you want I will not contact either Ginny or Harry, you will be allowed out in a few days, after this though you must visit a healer al least four times a week. If you want I can make sure it's not me, I know how much pain I have put you through in your past and I understand if you want me not to be the one to help you in this situation. I am sorry Hermione, I am sorry for all that I did, for all I didn't do or say."

At this point Hermione had started shaking again.

"Thank you Malfoy, but I don't need anyone to help me." Hermione let go of my hand and lay down on the bed

"I'll Bring you a calming draught." I murmured to her. I went to the door then but before closing it I looked back at Hermione, no part of her old self remained. This girl had truly been broken.

_**Ginny's POV**_

My heart swelled with love each time I looked to my right, lying next to me was a sleeping, ever so peaceful Harry. His breathing was even and relaxed, his heart beat strong and secure. I loved it, I loved him, and love helped me sleep. I feel asleep thinking of our engagement and the ring. The beautiful ring. All I could feel was love.

I fell asleep.

Suddenly I didn't feel love any more, I felt dread, I felt dread as I looked onto the front doors of a house, somehow I knew who was in that house, I knew their intention and I suddenly remembered Hermione, lying on a bed in the Hospital, probably close to death.

I was shaken awake by a cold feeling that had spread through my body. I had to get to the hospital NOW! I shook Harry awake, filled him in. He looked at me, wide eyed. How ever surprised he was, we had learned to trust our instincts. They were usually right. We jumped out of bed and were ready in less than 5 minutes, our friends sanity was at stake and we were not going to falter. Together we apparated our of our house directly to the Hospital and straight on top of... Malfoy.

"So much for a grand entrance." He muttered. He had a phial of something in his hand which looked suspiciously like calming draught. "for Hermione" he explained, "She woke up and nearly gave me a heart attack" We all got up, my senses wild, He was here, probably already in her room. SHIT. As I ran to Hermione's room I yelled,

"Harry tell Malfoy..."

I heard the faint voice of Draco say "Tell Malfoy what Potter?" then I rounded a corner and all voices where lost as I focused on one thing. Get there before HIM.

_**Hermiones POV**_

I didn't want help, I didn't need help, and I wasn't going to get it. I was going to do this myself. I needed to get through this myself. I had to get the courage to face my everyday without needing a pain escape valve. I needed to learn of a way to shut out the past. I was going to do this. Alone.

As soon as Malfoy exited the room, I broke down into tears again. What was I doing. The rational part of my brain told me I needed help, told me I was stupid, but there was a voice inside my head telling me that I had to face this, it was the only way. Tears of self-pity, of sadness, of betrayal and of hurt mixed in my eyes and ran down my cheeks. The events of the previous morning where still hazy in my mind. This was all happening thanks to one stupid mistake, MY stupid mistake. I should have died in the war. In the face of reality, it would have evened out everything. The battle would have been won, Ron would be happy with his new American bimbo, Harry had Ginny, Ginny had Harry, the Weasley's had each other and I had no one. I was trapped in a prison I had created. A prison of bloodloss, pain, and shards. Shards of glass that were being impaled in my heart, my already broken heart. I hand't thought of it until now, but if I had died in the war, everything would have been better. My parents would have survived... I knew it, I was just an excess part. I just wasn't needed, so what was the point of being here. I was just a random object in the way, I held no value...

I thought, "When I get out of here, I will keep up the façade, I won't take off the mask. I will keep my concealment charm on. Maybe this time I was able to convince myself as well...

All these thoughts were running, free through my mind, I heard the door open and believing it was Malfoy, I kept on looking through the window to the blue patch of sky, the patch of freedom in this cell-like hospital room. The door shut closed again, quietly and at the next words I jumped out of my skin.

"Hey, 'Mione." From the shock I collapsed and blacked-out, I had recognised that voice. It belonged to the culprit of my depression, breaker of my heart, Ronald Weasley.


	4. Disconnected

**Chapter 4.**

**Disconnected**

**"How can the not have noticed, she wasn't the same she had always been..."**

_Ginny's POV_

I ran. I ran as fast as my legs would allow me to, I had to get there, I knew I was already late but I had to get there before the git I had for a brother ruined my best friends life. I pushed through nurses, healers, patients and even an odd looking, walking and talking plant, that looked suspiciously like Neville. I didn't care what I had to go through, my friends life was at stake here and if anyone could help I was going to make sure that was me. I was running along the last corridor, the final hurdle, when I saw Him go in. Crap! I got to the door as he was closing it and heard the click of a lock. SHIT, that stupid arse had locked the door. I froze, oh, he was going to pay. I took out my wand and tried to open the door, but as I had suspected he had put a locking charm on it. The situation had come to it's peak, it was time for desperate measures.

"Reducto" I whispered. The door blew and I ran in. Inside was a dead looking Hermione and a panic stricken Ron. "What have you done!?" I screamed "You stupid git. She looks like she is dead, What have you done?" I was screaming so much now I could only hear the anger that boiled in my veins.

"I...I... I didn't do anything, I just said hello."

"You arse! She is in shock. She nearly died yesterday and she is probably going to go into a coma! You stupid, annoying, foul idiot! Argh. First of all, how did you even find out about her?"

At that Ron looked bemused. "Haven't you read the papers lately?" he said as he handed me a copy of the American Daily Prophet. "The news are all over the world."

I looked down at the newspaper I had in hand. It said:

"What has Happened to the third part of the Golden Trio? Has the brightest witch of our age turned off? Is she really the role model you want for your children?"

Hermione Jean Granger Brightest witch of our age, part of the Golden trio and best friend to Harry Potter. Was seen this morning half dead in the St. Mungos lobby. There was blood all over her and the stink of alcohol could be smelt from at least 6 meters. There are people that even say the could see pills tangled in her hair. Has our wonderful witch become 'not so wonderful'? Contacts have informed that she had been found drunk, de-blooded and overdosed on painkillers to the point of near-death. Evidence shows that this information is actually true. While at to record a potion making program, The Daily Prophet photographers were able to take these following pictures of Hermione. So parents, think again. Is a drunken, overdosed depressed teenager really what you want your children to become? Is that girl the one that actually saved the world from the clutches of "You-Know-Who"? Or was it all just luck? Will Hermione Jean Granger be dying soon? These are questions we would all like answers to, but unfortunately Doctors have deprived her of any human contact with people who do not work there. The press would like to know. Was the war really such a loss to take her own life? But most of all.

What has really happened to Hermione Granger?

Written by The one an only Rita Skeeter"

Beneath there were three pictures. The first had Hermione unconscious, a mess of unruly hair and blood. She was half covered by Harry, but that didn't stop the people from seeing all the pills in her hair and all the firewhisky stains on her t-shirt. The second one showed a levitating Hermione and Harry and me to one side, worry etched on our faces, and Malfoy with his wand raised towards the mess that was Hermione. The last picture showed Hermione on the levitated bed sprawled, pale and bloodied, with tubes attached to her and an enraged Harry looking at the cameras. I was still a small shacking frame next to him.

I started swearing. Couldn't that stupid woman go bother any other heroes of the war? Hand't she already done enough damage as it was? Did she really need to make her life miserable?I looked up and saw that Harry and Malfoy.

Ron immediately took out his wand and pointed it at Malfoy.

"Harry, what are you doing walking with this scum?!"

"Ron", I re[plied "put the wand DOWN! Please help her Malfoy. I don't know what happened."

He took one look at Hermione and his expression took out his own wand and started fixing things while Harry was trying to hold Ron back. He set Hermione on the bed and started to re-connect all the electronic cables and oxygen transfusors. He

"Harry, let me go, Don't you see what he is doing to her? Harry! Ginny help me! Get this lying, death eater bastard off 'Mione! How can you even let him touch her!" Ron yelled.

He was trying to desperately to escape Harry's grip. To get to Hermione's limp figure.

I was frozen on the spot, staring at the scene unraveling fast before me. Hermione was looking deathly pale and a strangled beeping noise was coming from one of the many machines that were attached to her. I watched in fear of loosing my friend, in fear of loosing yet another important person in my life.

Malfoy looked up from what he was doing, and stared straight at Ron.

"Weasley," he spat with venom "if you didn't already know I am a healer. I am taking care of hopefully you have managed to figure out that she isn't exactly up for visits." He stared coldly at Ron, which only made his fury increase.

"And you want me to believe this bull. Harry come on mate, help me. It's Malfoy we're talking about here! He is going to hurt her!" Ron was now screaming as if he were trying to wake us up from a trance. "What have you done to them Malfoy? Have you imperiused them? Let them go! I tell you I will have a bunch of 20 aurors looking for you if you don't release them!"

"Ron! Shut up. He actually has cared for her for a couple of days now. You're the one that is putting her life in danger. Shut up and get out. I can't even think you are my brother. If you still have some love for Hermione in that blackened heart of yours you will leave and never see her again. Do I make myself clear?" I yelled out at him

By this point a group of about five nurses had gathered at the door. Malfoy waved them off and the crowd dispersed. I took my wand out and pointed it and Ron.

"Ron leave now, or I swear to God I will hex you to the next millenia!" I felt like I could flame up with the anger inside me.

At that moment Malfoy interjected. "You know if she dies it will be entirely your fault."

With that Ron burst out of Harry's grasp and left, slamming the door with unnecessary force.

I was numb what Malfoy had said left me speechless. I could seriously loose my friend.

_Darcos POV._

I hand't meant to imply that Hermione would die but she sure as hell didn't look her best. I tried and tried but I could slow her heart rate. Finally I decided I would have to give her calming draught by vain so, plugging yet another cable into Hermione, I managed to slow the beeping 'till it ceased completely.

Weaslette stared at me and said "I'm sorry Malfoy. My brother is a git."

"Don't worry," I replied "I have managed to get her heart to a normal rate again and her breathing had become steady once more. You can go back home."

"Please Malfoy, even if Hermione tells you not to you have to let us know how she is."

"Potter. If there is one thing I respect more than anything is privacy, so if Hermione wishes for me not to say anything I will not. How ever if she says nothing, I will make sure to update you on her condition." I replied.

"Thanks again Malfoy. We owe you." Replied Potter.

"None sense, this is my job. I am simply doing it. Now if you don't mind I'll ask you to leave so I can finish here and move on to other patients, visiting times have been over for at least a couple of hours."

"Of course, sorry." Ginny replied as she went to Hermione and hugged her making sure not to disconnect the cables. "Why?" I hear her whisper

Why? That was a very good question, and as they exited the room and closed the door I asked myself that question. Why? Why her? Why now? Why me?

I remembered the broken eyes I had seen on Hermione's face and could not believe that her friends had not seen it earlier. The girl lying on the bed was not Hermione Granger. She was a girl whose world had been shattered far too many times. She was truly a girl living with broken foundations.


	5. Deadly silent

_**A.N: heeey guys I updated faster! This is like the peace offering for not updating in ages... I'm so sorry. I swear I'll be faster. Pleasseeee review... No read...**_

**She was quiet, too quiet. For days now. Tomorrow it would be a week...**

_Darcos POV._

It had been days since she had been unconscious. Days since the appearance of the Weasel. Days since the fear of her death had started to set in on people. Six days was the time that the heart rate machine went crazy in stages. Six days that she had been plugged into life support. Six days that I had been having the same nightmares. We needed her to wake up. She couldn't just die. She was the Golden Girl and she deserved a better life, she deserved to live her life.

The old doubts about ending my life had come back when I had found Granger in a similar state. If She couldn't make it, I would surely be unable to. She had wanted out. Just like him. It had been five years. Five years that the war had ended. Five years that I had wanted to die because of the stares, glares and pain that my name brought to people. It had been five years ago that, I had been drinking myself to oblivion, to let the pain leave.

That's why I was so worried about Granger. I had been in the same situation and it had nearly gotten me killed. I shuddered as memories flicked through my mind. I looked down at my arm and saw the concealed scars that ran up and down my fading dark mark. I had put a concealment charm on so that only people I allowed could see the scars and dark mark, for now that was only me.

I wanted Granger not to fall in the same pattern I had fallen into five years ago. But I had a feeling that it was too late, and seeing as the scars running over her arms only reassured me of that. The depression she had surely fallen into was probably due to loss and the Weasel. I couldn't stand it.

I had come to realise that life we too precious to just throw away. But it was still hard to pull through each day without wanting to add a cut to my arm. I still felt worthless, but now my life had a point. Healing. Healing myself through the process of healing others. And now I had a renewed purpose, healing Hermione. I would do what ever was necessary. She had always been the strong one and she had saved my life... More than once in the battle of Hogwarts, and again when the death eaters had invaded Hogwarts in 6th year. When they invaded thanks to me. I was a failure.

I didn't want to admit it, but I needed her to wake up. My hopes were slowly disappearing. It was the sixth day, and that night I went home to a bottle of firewhisky and a knife. The next morning, two swollen red cuts marked my arm and the smell of alcohol overpowered my flat. I got ready and shuddered as yet another memory of the broken Hermione passed my mind. I re-lived all the self hate that I had believed to have gone away. After seeing Granger, my mind was in a worse state that it would normally be in. I blamed it on the Weasel, but deep down, I knew that the reason was far more deep. Far more painful.

I finished getting ready and apparated to . I didn't pass through my office, I didn't even say hello to the nurses. I headed straight to 281 intensive care unit. I went straight to Granger. I opened the door and went to her bedside. A glance at the machines told me her heart and oxygen intake rates were normal. But as I stared at her I thought I saw a flicker of movement. A single shallow breath. Hope filled my eyes, but was drained immediately when the heart rate machine started to beep. It beeped, faster and faster and her oxygen levels begun to lower.

I raked my brain for something I could do. I searched through my knowledge and through the past weeks events. But there was nothing. There was nothing I could do as I sat there watching the Golden Girl struggle to keep the life in her body. She started to shake and tremble and tears began streaming down her face. This was the most alive she had looked in days. She was clutching at her arm, shaking her head.

As I stared I understood. Her arm. Her mark. A single word. 'Mudblood'. I grew more worried by each second that passed and after what seemed like eternity, she let out the rawest, most ear piercing scream I had ever heard. But I was mistaken. I had heard it before, once, in Malfoy Manor. Five years ago. When I had watched horrified as Bellatrix was tortured her.

In pain I watched as Hermione sobbed, shook and screamed. Al the while I sat at her side and whispered. "Please, please don't die. You can't give up. Wake up. Say something. Anything. Please. Please, Hermione you can't die." I didn't know where the words came from but I said them. I watched in horror as she gave a final shake and suddenly stopped.

Her heart rate slowed. Her oxygen rate lowered. Her heart began to beat slower each time. Slowly, way too slowly. I was at her side already so in a split second decision, I began to give Hermione Compressions. I steadied her heart. Sweat was driping of me in rivers as I struggled to sustain her life. I hung on. I beat her heart for her, five minutes, ten. Half an hour passed and I couldn't do this anymore. I started to slow. With sweat and tears mixing in my cheeks, both from fear and strain I stopped al together. Her heart stopped. Her breathing stopped. My heart accelerated. I lost hope. I was going to call Potter to tell him that Hermione had finally died. When she breathed. She gasped, sat up and started crying.

My heart clenched and re-started. I ran to her side and helped her lie down, but instead, she wrapped her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder. For once I didn't care. For once I didn't mind being sobbed on. All I cared about was that she was still alive. And after a week of pain. She had finally woken up.

_Hermione's POV_

I was running again. I had been coming in and out of this forest for days now. Depending on the path my dreams took. I ran and ran and ran just to get my parents to safety, just so I could save them from Bellatrix, or Voldemort or even myself at times. I kept being haunted with the same scenes, over and over. Two scenarios, alternating. Running first, torture after. Voldemort, then Bellatrix. But in both I found death. Some time after the 50th torture, I gave up. I quit. I decided that I was going to die and so I would die gracefully. Instead of running after my parents I ran opposite, back to Malfoy Manor. Where Belatrix was awaiting. The torture began once more, but this time. The pain was more intense, the pain was accepted. The pain was final. I had decided I didn't want this. I could no longer stand this. As Bellatrix finished carving mudblood, the boys came up to rescue me and the usual knife went to my throat. This time though. I didn't back away. I leaned in. And clutching my arm I welcomed the darkness.

I gasped and sat up, my lungs straining for air, my eyes opened and the first thing I noticed was light. The second thing was the pain. My heart felt like it had imploded and my eyes teared up at the speed of light and started to pour rivers down my cheeks. I felt alone, I was in a room I could not see because of the sudden change in lighting but from the smell I knew this wasn't a dream. I was back in the hospital. I noticed a siluhette speeding towards me, and not caring who it was I threw myself at them. Uncaring of who it may be, knowing that right now I just needed consolation, I needed something solid. Tears were probably showering this unknown saviour and it was when I opened them again that I saw who it was.

Embracing my shaking, sobbing form, with tear stains on his shirt was Draco Malfoy, a look of pain, sorrow and relief mixed into one expression. And I think that somewhere beneath those gray unwavering eyes I saw a chance. A chance of understandment. A chance to start again and keep living. But most of all I saw the look of experience, like also he had had a personal meeting with death.

That was all I needed. I mustered all my strength and whispered "Thank you, I hope that one day, I can understand you as well" my strength was leaving me and it was hard to keep my eyes open. "No, thank you" he replied "Now rest, rest and recover. You will understand in the morning" and laying me down he covered me up, re-plugged the life support and oxygen cables and left, silently closing the door behind him.

As he closed the door, I felt a sense of finality, a sense of belonging a feeling that I hadn't experienced in a long time. Hope.


	6. Mountains of lies

Chapter 6.

Mountain of lies

"Is the climb only useful so you can fall back down?"

Hermione's POV

It was dark. I was on the edge of a cliff and black clouds covered the crescent moon. The dark shape in front of me taunted me, laughed. It said "you stupid girl, couldn't even save two muggles. You call yourself a witch? you're pathetic. You're becoming a shell, huh? Your friends don't notice, do they? no. They don't care. Not anymore. They don't want you. Die and do them a favour. It's the easiest route anyway. Nobody loves you. Nobody cares. You have no one. You stupid mudblood. They all think you should have died in the war." by now tears were streaming down by reddened liquid pain flowing from my eyes warm against my cold eyes and cheeks. My eyes stung, my throat was dry and raspy. Every word he said laced with the poison that was slowly killing me. Breaking apart inch by inch, my already broken heart.

Struggling to speak, i whispered "lies. You're lying. You have to be" but the cruel man in front smiled a wicked evil grin and said "am I now? you know I'm right. After all you were always the brainy coward hiding in between the pages of her books. I know. The truth hurts huh. don't worry. Soon you'll die and your sufferings with you" I stiffened as the realisation that I was falling hit me.

I was falling over the edge. Plummeting into the truth. Falling into the darkness of the sea. How ever I didn't scream. As I fell I thought about what the strange man had said. He was right. I was no one. Not anymore. As the realisation of the truth hit me,I hit the water. The cold caressing fingers of death enveloped me in a last hug. I choked. Water filled my lungs and throat. I was already dying. But when I had a few seconds left. A voice, barely a whisper. Told me in a hushed desperate tone. "Please, what ever you do. Don't do this. They need you. The world needs you. I... Need you. You deserved so much more... Please. If Not for me then for you, for them. Please. Don't do this." The voice whispered. Desperate. Pleading. Begging that I didn't give up. That I fight. For myself. For him. Whoever the owner of this mysterious voice was. Life seeped out of my bones. But something had changed. I was going to try. I was going to fight. And one day. I would find the owner of this saving voice. And thank him for saving my life.

How ever, I was already drowning. My strength flowing out of my veins and into the water. Darkness swallowed me. A strangely unpeacefull darkness. In which I fought. With life. With my self. With death. Then I awoke gasping for air. I was on the hospital bed. Malfoy suddenly looked up, realisation dawning on his face that I had had yet another nightmare.

He stared at me with shocked eyes, as my tears began to spill, that little spark of hope that had been ignited the day before completely quenched, the fear and longing for death and something stable in my life stronger than ever. Slowly he came closer and hesitantly put an arm around my shoulders giving me an awkward half hug. I refused to speak, to make any sound.

"Hermione? Look, I'll be back, let me go get you a calming potion" he said. I absentmindedly nodded, more focused on my tears and the scar on my left arm, my hand gently clutching it as my body shook with silent sobs. I felt a weight lifting off the bed, hesitant steps and then the door open and close. As soon as the door closed, I leaned back, pressed my face against the pillow and screamed, I emptied my soul into the darkness and the numbness once again overtook me.

I needed a cut, but they had taken everything that was possibly sharp away from me. So I went back to my old method, my nails. They weren't sharp, but. I wasn't aiming for a cut, just for the release of the inside pain. With blurry, unfocused eyes I found the little scar, where every nail I had dug in had been. Testing my right hand nails one at a time I decided on the thumb. I started grazing the nail across my wrist, and when I felt the skin become a little bit irritated I dug it in. The familiar pain bringing a spark, of familiarity, of consolation. I repeated this movement over and over, until my wrist could take it no longer and drops of blood threatened to spill, I couldn't dare spill a single drop in case the mediwitches found out and bound my hands as well.

After a good half an hour of nail digging I leaned back, my breaths still laboured from my sobs and tear track staining my face, my hair an unruly mess of brown, my eyes fragments of shattered glass. I hated this, I hated my life and my weakness, Hermione Granger was not weak, Hermione Granger had to be the Griffindor Golden Girl, the smartest witch of our age... I was such a pile of lies... Thoughts of death started spiralling through my brain again. Everyone would have just been better off if I wasn't here, nothing would have really changed at all, now what was everyone going to say? How were they going to react? My mind sent me pictures of disapproval and disappointment it was getting to much, too close to needing another nail in my wrist and it hadn't even been five minutes, the swirl of thoughts suddenly came to a stop when I heard the creak of the door opening.

I lifted my head from where I had been staring at my arm, and saw Draco walk in the room, a worried look on his face, calming draught in hand. He came closer and brought the phial to my lips my hands still faintly shaky from my dream. He made me drink the potion with the uttermost care, not spilling a single drop. I had finished the potion, and I was expecting him to walk out, just how everyone that I had believed cared for me had left me, instead he sat dow on the bed.

His grey, sincere eyes focused on mine. As my hand moved to cover my nail mark his eyes flickered down and widened at the sight of my arms. They were bare and my concealment charms had worn off, even the ones that had stayed during the photos the Daily Prophet had taken. I looked down at my arms too, to put it simply, they looked like a cutting board. Scars ran in all directions on the insides of both arms, faint teeth marks marked my knuckles, where I had bitten them in the past to keep from screaming. On my left arm around the word 'mudblood' where more scars that united shaped words, 'useless', 'pain' and the latest one 'numb'. In that moment a trickle of blood dripped from my nail wound, the only one that had gone by unnoticed. Malfoy's eyes snapped to the wound and then, gently ever so gently he placed his finger on it. Blood trailing onto his index, his cold touch eased the pain and for a moment I felt safe, improved. But then I reminded myself of who was sitting in front of me, of the words he was bound to say, of the remarks I was sure he would put on me. A lone tear escaped my eye and I made no attempt to brush it away, it reached the bottom of my face and fell, onto my wrist where it mingled with my blood.

Malfoy then raised his head, and in his eyes I saw determination. He took out his wand lifted his left sleeve until it reached his elbow, exposing his faded dark mark. He took a breath, turned around, sent a locking charm at the door and turned back to me. Slowly he lifted a concealment charm, and slowly scars of his own started appearing on his arm. My eyes widened at what I saw. Cuts, old and new marred his pale skin. The newest must have been about a day old.

I looked up to him, meeting his eyes. "I said you would understand in the morning, Hermione, we are not that different... Look, I care okay? Many people care to, I know what you feel. I live with it every day as well, but I'm here." His eyes were distant and yet they looked through my soul. "I would offer you a smile, but I don't think I can manage one..." I said.

"I need to go, patients are waiting for me, but my previous offer still stands. I'm always ready if you need me Hermione, never forget that." With that he walked out of the room.

A.N/ I am sooo sorry guys, no one reads this story anyway, but I feel so bad, I am a terrible author, never writing my chapters on time... This chapter was sooo hard to write, I had writers block for about a month and then It suddenly unblocked, I wrote this whole thing today... I'm not too sure how I feel about it but... Yeah, any way. Pleeeease leave a review they keep me going and it's what makes me want to update...

Thank you sooooo much for reading if you are.

Love

Perdaha.


	7. Painting hope

**Painting hope**

**"She was alive and standing!"**

_Darcos POV _

As I walked to Hermione's room at nine in the morning, I let my thoughts loosely invade my mind. I had made a terrible mistake. There was a reason that I didn't show my scars, it was simple, it was easy. If I showed them I always had the urge to add another little scar to my arm, and the "little scars" always turned to something more and usually left me made a mess and in a place so dark that light couldn't shine. When I had showed Hermione my scars I wasn't expecting pity, I was expecting a response. Her eyes had widened and she had been surprised, it was a small response but at least she wasn't going numb. She could recover, I knew she could. She had been hurt, her heart broken and her soul shredded... But there was something that made me believe that she could pull through. I knew that cutting was like an addiction and that after having been through so many scars it was going to be nearly impossible to stop... But nothing was impossible and maybe I could pull though as well. As I walked down to Hermione's room hope started to fill my heart. The past two weeks had been an absolute mess, our emotions clouding our minds and decisions. This hope was like water clearing my mind, washing out the fear from the last few days. I walked into the room to find her sitting on the bed staring into space, her back facing the door. It was a strange concept that I, the one who had helped break her, was helping her now.

"It strange isn't it, how we don't notice the most simple things when we have them and yet when we don't it's what we most miss" She suddenly said. "Malfoy, do you ever just miss the times when you where a kid, when all you had to worry about was playing games and what your favourite colour was?" She turned around now facing me. She had insisted that she wore her own clothes instead of the hospital gowns and she was dressed in black leggings and a big white jumper, which made her brown hair stand out in contrast. I stared at her dumbfounded by her unexpected remark.

"Well I don't miss my childhood because I can't really remember any of it, I think I blocked it out subconsciously because I didn't like it. But I guess if I had had a... Normal childhood I would have enjoyed it." I replied, I had small glimpses of me at three falling off brooms and hiding with the house elves but my childhood was something I would much rather not re-live.

"When do you think I could leave?" Hermione asked, curiosity flowing in her voice. Yearning for knowledge tangible in her words. I walked closer to her bed and sat down, she shifted to face me.

"When I know for sure that you are not going to try kill yourself." I replied simply, staring into her brown orbs "Your life matters Hermione, please know that" she looked down, saddened eyes searching her hands for an answer.

"I think I know that Malfoy... I'll stay here but let me at least do something being confined to this room is going to end up driving me insane" she replied.

"I'll go down to the library today and get you a pile of books if you want... Look I would love to let you do something productive but I can't let you go. Not yet" I said slowly, her face darkened for a second and then lit up with an idea.

"Malfoy, instead of books could you bring me something from my house?" She exclaimed, Her eyes had held a spark for a moment, the spark of a fire that I thought had been put out.

"Hmm... Yeah, I guess. What is it?" I asked moving my weight on the bed making it creak.

"Okay, please don't find this ridiculous" she said cautiously "I have a spare bedroom next to mine and in it I have all my painting supplies... Do you think you could bring over to this room my canvas, paints and paintbrushes? Oh, and I have a smallish wooden box in there as well... Could you bring that too? I know it's a lot to ask but I really am going to go insane if I don't do... Something" I stared at her in shock. Hermione, paint? Was I registering her words correctly? She awkwardly looked to the floor her cheeks lightly tinging with pink. It was then I realised I hand't answered her yet.

"Of course I'll go. Sorry I just didn't think you would like painting and as long as there are no objects in that box with which you could end your life I'm fine with it" I smiled down at her, her face hopeful for the first time in a long time. "I made some dreamless sleep potion over the last few days and I have about a two dozen rations for you... Hmm I'll bring you one each night"

I made to get up from the bed, but she stretched out her hand and stopped me by grabbing my arm. I looked back at her. "When will I get my wand back Malfoy?"

"Not yet Hermione, not yet. If you give me your address I can go now by floo... You have floo connections right" she nodded in response and replied

"I live in 17 downing street, it's an apartment block, I'm on level B 4. And Malfoy, thanks" she smiled a little at me and as I got up she lay down and hugged her arms around herself. I walked to the door, my feet resonating in the silence of the room, I opened the door and turned back to look at her. In that moment a lone tear fell from her left eye. I hesitated and exited the room, closing the door gently behind me. I walked over to the floo network that connected the hospital with everything else and as I said her address a detached feeling took over my body. I hand't thought that the house would be exactly as she left it the day she came to the hospital.

_Ginny's POV_

The wait for Hermione to wake up was driving me nuts. I hand't heard anything about her for a few days, and I didn't know if she had even woken up. Guilt and fear corroded my insides and made me loose my appetite. That slimy git of a brother that I had... If he had made Hermione go into a coma or something worse he would be on the receiving end of my wand... I would strangle him (maybe not literally but close enough). I hand't heard of Ron either. For months all I knew was that he was somewhere in the US, that he had started dating some crazy chick and that he had found out about Hermione because the news of her problems had gone fucking viral and was all over the world. When would we get some peace, seriously don't people have something better to do with their lives than to judge other peoples private, complicated lives and make them even worse? I had the strangest mix of emotions in me, happiness and joy overflowed from my engagement to Harry, something not even my mum knew yet; and fear, despair and guilt ate Hermione's situation, which my mum did know about and wasn't taking to well apparently. Dad had sent Harry and me an owl saying that mum was in shock but in a bad sort of shock, wondering what was wrong with Hermione and that she was mental and crazy and ungrateful for not appreciating what she had. I knew mum loved Hermione but I hand't been able to speak to her at all, of all people I would have though she understood the best, but no. It seemed that everything was against Hermione. I hand't seen my parents or anyone really but Harry, Teddy and Andromeda since before I found Hermione. I had tried going to work but I just couldn't face all my co-workers, their inquisitive faces and judgemental stares. I stayed at home then, moping on the couch waiting for news that never came. That is until today, when I decided that Malfoy was definitely not going to be able to keep this information from me any longer. I had gotten dressed that morning in dark jeans and a warm brown sweater. At around 11:00 I decided that I could not put off this moment any longer. I apparated to 's and with a crack I was thrust into the madness of the hospital. Patients and Mediwizards and witches dashed about the waiting room. I didn't even need directions for Hermione's room because by now I had been there many times, close to her, staring at my friends limp body and closed eyes. I hoped that this time I would at least hear that something had improved, if not I was sure to loose all hope. I neared the are of the hospital she was in and asked one of the nurses if she could show me to Malfoy. She lazily pointed to her right and I decided to just walk around to try to find him. Maybe he could explain things to me... Preparing myself for bad news I approached a mop of blonde hair that stood out int the crowds.

"Malfoy!" I yelled, he turned around shocked at my voice. He was carrying a familiar looking wooden box in the direction of Hermione's room. He waved me over and with increasing difficulty I managed to weave my way through the people to him.

"Hi, I was wondering if you would allow me to see Hermione, Is she better? Has she woken up? Moved? Flickered an eyelid? Anything?" He chuckled at my obvious nervousness and replied "come with me, I was just going to her room, You'll see for yourself." I followed him to her room, that damned number 394. I opened the door and froze at the sight in front of me. It was Hermione, she was standing. She had a paint brush holding her hair up in a messy bun, she was wearing paint splattered jeans and a long sleeved grey t-shirt. She was infront of a massive easel, paint pallet in one hand and paintbrush in the other. Paint on her hands and dark colours dotting the white canvas.

Wait, she was standing! She muffled a cry of explamation as she turned around expecting Malfoy but instead saw me. I started to cry, my Best friend was alive, she was alive, standing and painting... And I hand't known about this? Three simple words escaped my friends lips "Ginny I'm sorry"

A/N: I SOOOOOO SORY! Please don't kill me... It took me a while to get over my... phase I'm gonna call it that... and I know these are just excuses and blah blah blah but still please read and review


	8. Chapter eight

Chapter 8

Growing sparks

It was just a newborn spark. But a spark, however small is enough to start a fire.

A/N: I am sooo sorry! I swear I have the whole thing planned I just never take the time to write it I am such a bad person, I promise this chapter isn't as bad a cliffhanger as the rest were but pleeease just leave a review to say you like it or hate it or anything, even if you want to rant about your day, seeming as this chapter is so late consider it a late christmas present from me :) (please don't kill me)

Ginnys PoV

The room still had the awful hospital stench but mixed with the paint and the newfound hope that had bloomed, the room looked different. Light came in through the window and shone on Hermione making her hair look like it was threaded with gold. The white rooms were no longer plain and depressive but reflected the light all around the room and gave it a sense of space. I stood at the door completely petrified, speechless. I didn't know whether to go slap her or engulf her in a hug. She was alive, she was perfectly living and Malfoy hadn't even warned me! I knew what I had to do then. Both the slap and the hug were in order. I turned to Malfoy who stood smugly beside me, glared at him through my tears and with a slap that resonated throughout the room wiped that smirk off his face into a mask of shock. Being satisfied with the outcome I turned to Hermione who stared at me with a look of guilt.

"You idiot" I said, with no warning I ran to her and hug her as tightly as I could. Tears cascaded from my eyes and I choked on my emotions. "I was so worried" I whispered, "I thought we had lost you for good". As I cried into my friends shoulder, relief pouring out of every pore, I heard a small chuckle and then the door close shut. Malfoy had left us to reminisce.

After I was done with my mini-mental-breakdown, I stepped back to look at what she was painting. It was a completely dark background, a mixture of browns, greys and blacks could be faintly distinguished, in the middle of the canvas, there was a small red-chested robin falling with a broken wing. It was so perfect, so sad, so realistic that I went to touch the bird. I was centimetres away when Hermione's hand snatched mine. I started to turn in shock at her until I noticed what hand I she had grabbed. It was my left hand, my engagement ring shining on my finger. I looked sheepishly at her raised eye brow and smirk. She pulled me to the bed, plopped me down sat next to me and said "Spill". You wouldn't have ever guessed that she was the one in the hospital, that she was the one who had been in some sort of coma for over a week. As she stared expectantly at me, waiting for me to share the story of my engagement, I saw through her eyes the Gryffindor courage that defined her. The strength that she had. In that moment I realised that what Harry had said was true, if Hermione had not wanted help, there was nothing that I could have done, and even with all that had happened, especially because of what had happened I was extremely grateful for the wonderful friend that I had. And so, starting from our disastrous girls day I recounted the story.

It took one hour and a half, two cups of tea and many hugs and tears to finish the tale of the last two weeks. Malfoy popped in and out, coming to check on Hermione and offering reassuring, understanding smiles. Halfway through my recount, the nurses came in and brought lunch in for Hermione, a mysterious soup with floating...things and a very bland looking meat, you would think that at a wizard hospital they had better food... about a minute later Malfoy came in hiding behind his back two bags of Chinese takeaway, as he closed the door behind his back he said, "I know the food is disgusting, so I brought you this..." Out of the bag came containers with rice, noodles, spring roles and fortune crackers, in that moment I realised how close Hermione and Malfoy had grown during the past few days, and I started what the hell had happened between them? At the sight of 'real' food Hermione got up and rushed to hug Malfoy. Something had definitely happened between those two. The conversation progressed then, away from the depressing subjects of the past few days. Malfoy stayed with us through his lunch break and as I recounted funny stories of our childhood, his laugh reverberated around the room and became contagious. When he left Hermione was definitely in a good mood, and surprisingly so was I. It was nearing the afternoon when Harry called to say he was going to arrive half an hour later than usual because he wanted to finish closing the case he was on. (Don't ask me, Auror business = complicated shit) It was in that moment that I realised the time it actually was.

As I looked at the time on my phone after I finished speaking with Harry, I inwardly groaned. It was already 5:30! I still hadn't prepared dinner and I needed to update Harry on Hermione's condition.

As if reading my mind Hermione then said,

"Hey, Ginny I think you better be going, don't want to leave Harry waiting" she added with a wink, at that my cheeks couldn't help but flush. I stood up then and as I was about to open the door Hermione stopped me by saying "Gin, promise me something. Promise me that you won't tell Harry just yet, and promise me that you will live my life for me when I die ok?" At that I turned around, dropped every thing I had on my arms and went to her and slapped her.

"Okay, now it's your turn to promise me something" I said as tears pooled in my eyes, "promise me that you won't do anything stupid, promise me that you will try to live. Promise me that you won't kill yourself," and i added with a coarse whisper "please." She stared into my eyes, sadness echoing in the silent pleas of her stare.

"Ginny, I can't promise you that. I can make a promise that I don't know if I will be able to keep"

"Okay, then Hermione but at least promise me you'll try. And I'm warning you now, if you kill yourself, I personally will bring you back from the dead and kill you myself. We love you Hermione, don't forget that. You have people that are there for you, you don't have to keep being the strong one. What about Malfoy? Are you going to make him go through knowing that he couldn't save you? If you can't promise me that you won't kill yourself eventually, at least try. But promise me something instead, instead of cutting your wrist paint, paint until your fingers, back and legs go stiff, until your eyes go blurry and until you are too tired to do anything else. Promise me please that you won't leave me. I can't do this without you, you are the sister I never had. Please, stay." I stared into her eyes. My gut clenched with the fear, sadness and pain that were masked in my friends eyes. I couldn't take it. It was too much, faint hope still clung to the air but it was being slowly put out, it was disappearing like the flicker of a dying candle left in the wind.

Then, as if with the precision of one who knows Malfoy entered the room, took one look at Hermione and said to me "Hey, Ginny I think you need to leave now, visiting hours are about to end. Sorry" I nodded solemnly, tear still brimming in my eyes. "See you later Hermione, I'll keep my promise, don't worry. But never forget to keep yours" and with that I left the room. I didn't even bother to walk a few steps and as I closed the door I watched Malfoy take a step towards Hermione and embrace her in a hug. I knew she would be fine as long as she was with him, she was safe. With that knowledge I apparated home and with a crack.

Malfoys PoV

I entered the room and was hit with understanding, Hermione's eyes were screaming at me in the hopes of solitude. Her eyes shone with the desperate need to not have to explain and as I took in her crumbling soul my heart twisted involuntarily. As I asked Ginny to leave I approached her and enveloped her in a hug, holding on to her as if she was the most delicate of flowers and yet the most powerful of storms. As I held her close I murmured in her ear hoping to calm her down. "Shh, hey it's okay. I'll never let you break, you will always have me you know that right?" She clung to me as you would a liferaft, in fear that if she let go the small hope that remained would crash and fall. We needed to keep moving, I needed her to move forward because if she got stuck for too long in one place she was going to kill herself. Plain and simple, I knew it, I had experienced it, I was living it. As a wise man once said "Don't dwell in things. Don't stay in one place too long. It was the only way to stay ahead of the sadness". I lifted her then into a standing position, moved towards her easel and changed the canvas for a fresh one, I handed her the palette and said, "paint, paint bloody cut wrists if needed but don't take it out on yourself. I'll help you, but please don't ever give up" and as I stared into her broken eyes and I looked past her shattered soul, I saw the faintest glimmer of hope just a newborn spark. But a spark, however small is enough to start a fire. She picked up her brush, dipped it in gray paint and started a new painting, a painting which would start a new chapter, a new time. A painting that would encourage the spark to grow into fire


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, so i know this isn't a stoey update and you're all probably going to hate me but, I know I w nt to continue this story and finish it. However I am going to reedit the entire story. I have it all planned out and many scenes already written but I am going to put this published version on hiatus. I was thinking of taking it down, but I know that as soon as I sort myself and my story out, the chapters will come much quicker, the story will be completed and it will be berter written. So, I am going to leave the story up. I don't know how long it will be before I re upload. I am very sorry. I know I am crappy at commitment but I promise that one day i'll finish this story.

perdaha-obsessed.


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